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Why I need Masculism


March 16 2013

This is my explanation for feminists who get upset whenever I use the #INeedMasculismBecause hashtag on Twitter.

== What Masculism is not ==

“Masculism” is not the same thing as “patriarchy”. I acknowledge that modern society’s greater respect for the emotional needs of women has resulted in a better society for both men and women, and that the solution is not to revive the intolerance and bigotry previous generations had.

Masculism does not mean opposing the Violence Against Women’s Act, or thinking it is OK to be violent with a woman. Masculism does not mean one is liberal or conservative; bloggers and commenters who support men’s rights come from all parts of the political spectrum.

Bottom line: For people upset with the “masculism” label, it really doesn’t mean what you think it means.

== What Masculism is ==

Masculism is a movement which has emerged from the PUA (pick-up artist) community, and is an extension of that community. A lot of people in that community feel very wronged by women, for a number of reasons: Failed marriages with what the men feel are unfair divorce settlements, friendships with women that leave men hurt and sexually frustrated, just to name two.

The community, being an extension of the PUA community, still has a lot of discussion about how to become attractive to and have physical intimacy with women. But there is also discussion about the problems run-away feminism has caused in society. As just one example, I have a friend who ended up sleeping with a girl who had a boyfriend. Instead of this girl taking responsibility for her decision to sleep with my friend, she filed a false rape charge (even though the sex was completely consensual) and gave my friend a lot of legal hassle which deeply scarred him emotionally.

While there is a lot about the PUA and masculism community I do not like—it offends me deeply when they call a physically intimate encounter or a woman a “notch”—I do appreciate how they go to a lot of effort to teach men effective techniques for being attractive to women.

== Dating is hard work ==

A lot of what a woman finds attractive is subconscious to the woman.

What makes an approach “sexy” or “creepy” is not really about how sexual the approach is. Being “sexy” instead of “creepy” is really about how attractive the woman finds the man who makes the approach.

Becoming a man attractive to women so they will not consider advances “creepy” is really hard work. It means going to the gym; it means learning how to dress well; it means learning how to project, on a very deep intuitive level, high self-confidence; it means overcoming a lot of social anxiety men have. It is a good deal more difficult for a man to get a date with a woman than vice versa.

For years, I listened to the useless advice women gave me to try and learn how to date normally. The advice was useless trite like “just be yourself” and “the right one will come when you are no longer looking”. I even bought a book about dating written by a woman which was completely useless.

Men, on the other hand, gave me useful advice like “work out and look healthy”, “don’t have oneitis”, “act dominant because women find that sexy”, “have more self-confidence”, “getting women is hard work”, and “you may have better luck with women outside of the country” [1]

I would not have the wife I have today if I did not integrate some of the more useful advice the PUA/Masculism community gave me when I was a single guy who could not get a decent date with a girl.

Women and “white knight” men who call men creeps for approaching women do not help socially awkward men date normally. Men who embrace masculism, on the other hand, do help men. A man who listens to their advice, while discarding the bitterness towards women in the PUA/Masculism community as well as idea the women are objects, will do much better with women than a man who just listens to the advice a woman gives about romance.

And that is why I need masculism.

Footnote 1: To be fair, a woman gave me this final piece of advice; I met my wife while living in Mexico.

I next discuss feminism in Women Against Feminism.

2016 update: Keep in mind that a lot of stuff Pick up artists / misogynists say to justify their predatory behavior towards women is pure BS

2021 update: Reading it again, I observe I had a lack of empathy for women and their issues finding a good date or relationship. I regret not being more empathic eight years ago.

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