Re: How can I deal with a food stealer?
Article: 7418 of alt.hackers From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Hammond Andrew) Newsgroups: alt.hackers Subject: Re: How can I deal with a food stealer? Date: 19 Feb 1995 04:16:43 GMT Organization: Queen's University, Kingston Lines: 44 Approved: Santa Clause Message-ID: email@example.com NNTP-Posting-Host: qlink.queensu.ca X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2] Status: RO
Eric Hietala (firstname.lastname@example.org) thoughtfully declared: : Subject: How can I deal with a food stealer? : I share a freezer/fridge/microwave at work. Someone on the night shift : is taking some of my frozen food, once or twice a week. So far they have : taken burritos and small pizzas. : I could identify them with security camera recordings, but I don't really : care about who they are. What would teach them not to eat someone : else's food? Do you know of commonly available substances that could be : used in small quantities to induce 1) vomiting 2) diarrhea 3) other : memorable discomfort? Or other ways to deal with this. I have already : started to spit in some of my food; it helps a little. : I am still considering ExLax or making a shit burrito, catfood sandwich, : etc. But I would like something a little more subtle than bulk excrement. : For a weight of 160 pounds, what is a non-fatal dose of rat poison, I : wonder. But that would only make them thirsty, with a headache I : suppose. No, they should be worshipping the porcelain god. : I have heard that if one eats a small amount (how much?) of excrement (which : contains E.coli?), that it can cause diarrhea. Is this true? I should : check alt.folklore, perhaps. ObFoodStealerMindF*ckHack: The beauty of this hack is not in it's immediate effect, but in it's more subtle, mind wraping nature. Heres the chemistry: phyenolthaliene (sp?) is an acid/base indicator. It does not have any really hideous effect on the human body (in small doses), except for causing diareah sometimes (not to strong... ). However, it does have one VERY interesting property... It turns the urine of any who consumes it pink. Yes, pink piss. My suggestion to dissuade your theif is to inject a couple of burritos with some moderatly dillute phyenolthaline and just wait. The your greatest joy will be watching the faces of those around you when you mention an obscure disease that turns the urine pink before causing sexual impotence, which you just heard about in the paper. I actually pulled this one on one of my housemates over a period of about three weeks, and the dumb f*ck fell for it! He's since reformed his habit of noisy masturbation, much to the relief of the rest of us. Have fun... Although you could just leave a note in the fridge saying that you're tierd of having you food swiped. :) -D.